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Thread: Marriage

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    New Marriage

    "Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get married?"

    "I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Facebook Love

    My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,” he was the first one to click Like.



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Usual Suspicions

    After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
    "You’re running around with another woman— admit it!" she demanded.
    "What other woman?" Adam shot back. "You’re it!"
    That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
    "What are you doing?"
    "Counting your ribs."



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Right Answer

    Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
    He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”
    “You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”
    “So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”
    “Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Working it Out

    One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds."
    "If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?" asked the second friend.
    "I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first."



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    Default Re: Marriage

    A Wrong Answer

    While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.
    "The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome sameness.’"
    "Monogamy," he answered.



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Here To Stay

    A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by the text message he’d just received. "You ever have that ex-girlfriend who just won’t go away?" he asked his friend.
    "Yeah," came the reply. "My wife."



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Assumed Name

    A fourth marriage meant yet another name change for Sara. She didn’t realize the upheaval it had caused until she asked her father why she hadn’t heard from him in a while.
    "I forgot your phone number," he said.
    "You could’ve looked it up in the phone book."she replied.

    "I didn’t know what name to look under." he responded.



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Romantic Travel

    When a petite mother found her seat on the airplane, she was crushed between her 200-plus-pound husband and another large man.
    "I bet you wish you’d married a smaller man," her husband said.
    The mother mumbled, "I did."



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    Default Re: Marriage

    Scene: A conversation between two friends.
    Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?
    Friend #2: I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
    Friend #1: What’s a GPS override?
    Friend #2: My wife.



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    Default Re: Marriage

    A Second Opinion Joke

    A lady was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said, "I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"
    "That’s a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist."



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