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Thread: Lawyer Joke

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    Default Lawyer Joke

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

    Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

    After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

    The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

    When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.



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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    You're a lawyer if

    You Might Be A Lawyer If....

    You are charging someone for reading these jokes.

    The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long.

    You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.

    Your other car is a BMW.

    When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.

    When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.



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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    Solving a dispute

    Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"

    The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"

    "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.

    At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.

    Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."

    Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."



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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
    A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


    What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
    A good start!


    How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    His lips are moving.

    How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
    Just say "Fees!"


    "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."


    A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
    "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
    "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
    "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
    "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"



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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

    It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

    Q. Why are lawyers great in bed?
    A. They get so much practice screwing people.




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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.


    pfftttt


    Read books, weep and laugh with them and if you find any of my links dead just report them

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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’





    ****If any of my links are dead please pm me and I will update****

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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    i read this long time back on Reader's digest. Thanks for reminding me of it once again.



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    Default Re: Lawyer Joke

    the last part was really good.



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